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This is a "trigger-free" site. Please do not use language containing graphic descriptions of Self Injurious behaviors. Words such as self injury, self harm, and the initials S.I. will be approved. Be mindful of swear words which are inappropriate and offensive to minors and others. This site is monitored and anyone found to continually violate these conditions will be removed from this entire blog site. Please follow S.A.F.E. A LTERNATIVES' philosophy and help us maintain a "trigger-free" blog. Thank you.

If you have thoughts of suicide call: 911, 800 - SUICIDE (784-2433), or go to the nearest emergency room.

Detached

Posted by lookingforpeace | September 3rd, 2015

It feels like life can be a game leaving me thinking that all of this here in this world is so superficial; why anyone would continue to do anything – what’s the purpose? Why do I continue to take the medications that are suppose to make me feel better, or why do I continue to attend therapy sessions? Yes, it all helps for now, but what happens when I’m done with therapy and medication? I’ve returned to self – injuring again, and although it happens less frequently now, it’s something that I don’t foresee ever going away completely. Even when I wasn’t engaged in my main form of self – injury, a lesser form took its place for times when the urge was too much. It’s a crutch. Something that I’ve leaned on far too long. I am ashamed that after all these years, I sill self – injure. I’m confused about why it is I still feel so detached from life to such an extent that I can no longer see a purpose. Life seems so superficial; so contrived. We live, struggle though the materialism that is now life, and then die.

It’s these moments of clarity when I’m reminded of how self – injuring becomes so alluring. How other addictions can become so consuming. It’s easier to mask or avoid those difficult moments of detachment than it is to endure them. Or it’s the opposite – because of these moments, I self – injure just to feel something, feel real, feel less superficial.

I feel alone and hopeless.

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New Pain

Posted by jesh | September 2nd, 2015

I have not injured for 15 years, and all of a sudden I want to so bad. ¬†A short history, I injured so bad at one time I removed all sharp objects from my living environment. ¬†I never looked for any type of assistance before. ¬†Don’t get me wrong, I have had urges over the years but I have been able to fight them. ¬†This time I am not so sure. ¬†Maybe just talking about it will help.

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Posted by healing | August 24th, 2015

I haven’t been here for a while but I feel the need to be here now because I am feeling huge rushes of various emotions and it is freaking me out. Wow. Calmer already. What I have after that, I guess, is a need to tell my story. Which isn’t something I’m up for preforming, as much as I’m up for looking at it. Which is really weird because I am very open about a lot of parts of my life, though I’ve had some extreme experiences– but I guess I’m not open at all about this. Even entirely within my own mind. It’s very good that I have medication near by. I know how to reach out. I haven’t felt tempted by this for a long time, not very strongly… give exception to a few times. All I know for sure is that it has come back up on my radar, and it wasn’t there before. By “before” I might only mean a couple weeks of total absence from my radar but nothing much has happened for a few years now. I think I just keep getting better and better. I know it. But it’s wierd when it pops back up. That’s when I have to remember that it isn’t fate. It’s coming from within me. And all just stay really close to all the recovery skills. They are a rope of sailor’s knots to hold onto when it’s rough. Maybe I am applying them just automaticly when I’m doing well. Or maybe I don’t really need them when I’m doing well. …but to keep them all lined up. Maybe that’s part of revisiting this space. I can’t believe the person I’ve become– I just am more comfortable taking up space all the time. Asking for help used to be impossible. First off, you can’t ask for it if you’d even know you need it– that you exist and you have rights. I’m a Mom and my kid had a rough time through all the recovery. He’s probably starting college this week. Things could always go south, but they are looking very very north. Thanks for letting me check in.

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I’m new at this

Posted by howdoichange | August 18th, 2015

Hello,

im very new to this I honestly didn’t know this was something common. There has been only twill situations that have brought me to this. they were both relationship caused. I know that all if not many of you have problems that are a lot worse, but relarionships are my only weak spots. I have had terrible things happen too my family and myself. The only time I find myself wanting to hurt myself was when my boyfriend for a year and a half broke up with me one day and I just began to injure. I didn’t injure to kill myself I just like the pain it distracted me from what was going on. Nobody knew what was going on. And it’s back now the urge to feel pain so my emotions feel numb. I have been dating this guy for almost 4 months now he is from my home town I knew who he was and his cousin and I are good friends but he is in the military Army to be exact and he is stationed in Washington. I live in a small town and there is a lot of talk. His cousin on one occasion told him that I was cheating or about to it’s NOT true as insane as it sounds I am in Love with him I want nothing more than to have a future with him. Now this past Friday a “friend” told him something similar that isn’t true I have been loyal and faithful he has had me in a limbo of being with me or not and its taken a told on me emotionally I don’t know how to handle the emotions this time I caused myself another injury. Everyone thinks it was an accident things have only gotten worse with him and I REALLY want to inflict more pain on myself but I know it’s wrong and I shouldn’t what do I do what should I do ? Help me please

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Clean

Posted by AmandaBeth | August 9th, 2015

I haven’t been on here in over 2 years, but so much has changed. I’ve gone through a lot of ups and downs, even having to stay in the hospital for a week when things got really bad, but I’m so proud to say that I’m over a year clean now. It’s taken a lot of work, but somehow, I’ve managed. This is a battle that I still have to fight day to day, but I’m getting stronger, and it’s so much easier now.

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Looking for support/advice

Posted by gemini052911 | July 22nd, 2015

I found out yesterday that my 12 year old daughter has been self injuring for over a year now. She doesn’t want to go to therapy and says she isn’t ready to talk about it yet. I respect that, but I also know that isn’t a solution at all. I wrote her a letter and reassured her that I am not angry and that she is not in trouble. I told her that I didn’t know what to do, but that I love her and that we will figure it out together and I will do whatever I need to help her. ¬†We have talked and spent time together today, but she hasn’t brought it up.
I don’t want to push her too much, but I know a conversation needs to happen very soon. She said that one of her friends knows, but hasn’t said who yet. I feel like that’s something I need to know. She is a very private person anyway and doesn’t want anyone to know about this. And I understand that, but I feel like her friend probably needs someone to talk to as well. I can only assume that her friend hasn’t told her parents about it.
I think what I am wondering is where do I start? What questions do I ask her? Is group therapy maybe a better idea for her? Should I ask how often and if it has progressed? Should I ask to see what she has done and with what? Should I make her leave her door open all the time and never leave her by herself? She has always been responsible and besides minor indiscretions I have never had a reason not to trust her. I don’t want to go through all of her stuff or invade her privacy, that’s lousy. ¬†I feel like this isn’t one of those things that breaks trust, but my heart instead.
I’m not looking for a magic answer or anything. I was just hoping to hear from other parents and teens that have been where we are at. Were there certain things that worked better than others? Things you wish you would have done or your parents would have done or said?

3 Comments »

Call for Subjects – on line study

Posted by Pam L. | July 20th, 2015

Please Help Us Learn More About Self-Injury!!!

Eligible participants who complete the survey earn a $10 gift card!

Hello. My name is Shana Franklin and I am a graduate student in the psychology department working with Dr. Shawn Cahill, Ph.D at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. I am currently conducting a research study examining non-suicidal self injury and other coping behaviors individuals use in response to stressors.

The purpose of this notice is to invite your participation.

Participation is completely voluntary. This study is all online, so the survey may be completed at your convenience from any PC/Mac that has internet access. Responses are confidential.

Study Information:
Study Title: Coping Behaviors and Self Injury: An Internet Study
Study Description: The purpose of this research study is to examine experiences related to certain maladaptive coping behaviors that some individuals experience in response to stressors. Approximately 700 people will be recruited to participate in this internet study through this and similar websites. If you agree to participate, you will be asked to complete a survey that will take approximately 30-45 minutes to complete. The questions will ask about various coping behaviors, including instances of intentional injury that is not accompanied by a desire to commit suicide, and your experiences related to these behaviors. The survey will also ask questions about general health and mental health history, as well as personality variables such as questions regarding emotion regulation and impulsivity. Participants who meet initial eligibility criteria and complete the survey will earn a $10 gift card to amazon.com that will be e-mailed to the person’s desired e-mail address within 48 hours of study completion.

If you wish to participate, please visit the following link:

https://milwaukee.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_1H11JmNZJrD3ky1

Finally, once again, participation in this study is completely voluntary and responses to the study’s survey are confidential.. In order to receive compensation, we do require participants provide an e-mail address and their initials; however this information is not linked to survey responses. In addition, the email and initials will only be collected after the survey has been completed; thus, participants who wish to participate in the survey but do not want to submit an email address and their initials my none-the-less complete the survey. However, in such cases we will not be able to provide them with a gift card. This research hopes to learn more about individuals with non-suicidal self injury and other coping behaviors. Thank you for your participation and contribution to the research field.

If you have any questions, please contact us at:

frankl39@uwm.edu (Shana Franklin) or cahill@uwm.edu (Shawn Cahill)

THANK YOU!!!!

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Hello…I guess (?)

Posted by the-girl-with-a-hoodie | July 16th, 2015

Hey, I¬īm Camila… well, first of all, I would like to apologize if I make any grammar mistakes or something like that. (I¬īm mexican).

Hum…I self harm since I¬īm 12 and I really want to quit it. Right now I¬īm not going to post anything about my self-injury, but later, I will.

I would also like to tell you, whoever is reading this, that you can count on me and that I will do everything I can to make you feel better…and I also expect the same from you.

I think that¬īs all for now. ¬† xoxo

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How to be vulnerable

Posted by lookingforpeace | July 3rd, 2015

I want to hurt. I want this to stop. I want to finally figure out the reason I continue to get these urges that drive me to a place of self – harm. How does one allow their self to be vulnerable without falling apart?

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The Oxymoron: Being Vulnerable.

Posted by lookingforpeace | June 30th, 2015

My therapist and I are working on trying to identify what are the motivating factors that drive my self – injurious behaviors. Reading through some of the material that she has provided has been difficult. The list of possible motivations for self – injury are just enough to rekindle the urge to harm. There are some forms of self – injury that I engage in but would have never thought to be self – injury. I continue to struggle with this internal battle over will I harm or not. I want to just cover my head with my blankets and sleep until it’s over. It’s almost like I need to feel the constant pain to remind me that I’m still here, this is real, and that I am still alive.

I want to be vulnerable and just say out loud to my therapist the things I’m thinking. I want to be vulnerable, but I am so afraid that if I allow myself to do so, I am going to fall into a pit and unintentionally, or even intentionally, crumble into unrepairable pieces. And the thing that makes this an oxymoron: I want to be that vulnerable, to let all of the heavy weight go, and trust that someone will hold me up when I am no longer able to. I want to be able to cry tears of release instead of only the tears of pain that I have come to know so well.

All while battling this urge to keep from harming, I battle with trying to keep the marks covered and hidden not just from my co-workers or therapist, but also from my husband who only is aware of one of the ways I use self – injury. I went too the last few times. Left more to cover than I intended. I just want it to stop. When does it stop? I started over 10 years ago. When will it stop?

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