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If you have thoughts of suicide call: 911, 800 - SUICIDE (784-2433), or go to the nearest emergency room.

Holiday Triggers…

Posted by raintechie | November 25th, 2015

I found this site from a random blog. I hope it helps…

With all the family and stress of the holidays I feel the anxiety and SI urges coming back. It is overwhelming, I have been SI free for a few months. I have talked to my partner about it, but I don’t want to worry her or my family.

I have tried drawing, knitting, read and playing games. I just don’t know what to tell people and I am not good at resisting urges when they come. I don’t want to bring everyone down around the holidays…

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Too old for this!

Posted by EJMdesign | November 24th, 2015


I’m completely new to this blog — really to blogging at all. ¬†But I need to reach out somehow, to someone.

I’m 50 years old, educated, work in the arts. ¬† I haven’t gone down the road of SI since I was an early teen. ¬†But my 20 year marriage, that I thought was absurdly good, has just blown up. ¬†It may survive; it may not. ¬†But I feel helpless, lost, like the ground under my feet has been quicksand for years and I never noticed.

I feel … disposable. ¬†And irrelevant.

I’m not suicidal. ¬†I feel a mild urge that way but can’t do that to those around me. ¬†My mother is an 86 year old recent widow, and I’m an only child … if I committed suicide it would kill her, too .. and I can’t be responsible for that, no matter how much pain I’m in.

But the urge to hurt myself has come roaring back. ¬†I desperately want to self-injure. ¬†I am broken and afraid and I don’t know if I can resist this. ¬†I’ve been reading some of the self help sites, trying to resist … but I fear my resistance is crumbling fast. ¬†I’ve taken the sharp things out of the room, and I’m trying to distract myself. ¬†But I’m struggling.


Need advice

Posted by Tweety56601 | November 22nd, 2015

I am a female age 32. I have been S.I. free for four months. About three weeks ago i started having urges for S.I. again. I started to curb these urges by coloring and tracing like i learned in a treatment facility i went to in may til july. But now the urges are so strong i dnt know how much longer i can fight them. Any advice?

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Posted by EryckaRose | November 10th, 2015

HI the funny thing is i found out about this place from a book and it was a good book to. so can ya’ll help


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I hope…….

Posted by Pam L. | November 8th, 2015

Hello all,

I’m one of the blog moderators, and I’m noticing that the blog is not very active these days. ¬†My favorite thing about this blog is that it’s a safe place on the internet for people to go and ¬†be able to give and receive some support. ¬†There are so many places on line that are graphic and can be triggering, and yet, so few that truly help to support people and encourage positive support without being triggering.

I’d love to respond to each person and often feel as if I should – but I keep reminding myself that it’s not my blog or SAFE Alternatives’ place to go for support or to give support solely. ¬†It’s for you all to support each other.

To newer blog members РWelcome!  Keep reaching out for help because you are NOT alone.

Best wishes to everyone and I hope you’ll keep on writing. ¬†Everyone needs support now and then, every.single.person.

Pam L.

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I Dont understand

Posted by Eventer53 | October 19th, 2015

I can’t stop thinking of death. One part of me says it won’t solve anything and the other part says it’s going to cure everything. When you think about death it should scare you and it does scare me but the thought of pain makes everything better. I want to live to see my first baby. I want to know what it feels like to be happy again. I injure myself because anything is better than your words that have ripped my heart out. When all I want to do is reach out for help I can’t. No one knows but me. No one knows my pain. No one knows the triggers i have. I have scares. They are still painful. ¬†Sometimes you just need a reminder you can feel a different pain. That pain that you feel is almost your happy. I found a reason to stop injuring. My reason isn’t working. I thought of the faces of my future kids and how o.e day when they are older they will ask about my scares and how I couldn’t expose my kids to that. I thought of the face of my so called fiance when he knew. How much it would hurt him if he knew he was the reason why. I’m not sure if it’s love or hate sometimes. I never go through a day not wanting to talk to someone or have a little support. I know I wasn’t really mentally stable before him but now there’s no second guessing I need help. The sick part is I want help without losing him. As crazy as it sounds I still love him and I know he would be better off without me but I can’t do it. I can’t let him walk away without me. He will claim I did nothing but mess him up and I’m not denying it but I’m not the only one who made mistakes. I am me and I always allow myself to be beat up and used. It’s my second nature. You can argue if it is just a female mind set but those who say that male and female alike have no idea what it means to mentally die every second and lose everything righteous that you have had in your life. This is more than watching a person’s life being taken. This act is slowly watching yours be taken by something you can’t control even if the pain is caused by yourself.

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As if it’s been long enough

Posted by butterflychick | October 17th, 2015

Every once and awhile, I hurt. When I’m at work, I put a rubber band on my wrist just without thinking. When I get home, that’s when my gut is squeezing. I look at myself, realize that on my wrist is the rubber band, and my awareness of my body triples. I start to feel my heart beating in spots that I wasn’t expecting. Where nobody should every feel their heart beating. Those are the places where my skin calls.

I feel happy, most days, but then every once and awhile, I hurt. I think right now, I’m confused, I’m not sure what my future has in hold for me. I’m fighting with myself about my sexuality. I have only been in a relationship with a male, but I have loved both a male and a female. I feel like I may be bisexual. I want to try to explore this, but I am not sure what to do if my family were to find out.

I’m just confused. But due to all this confusion it makes me want to find some sort of control for how to fix these feelings. I know what I want to do isn’t the right decision. So maybe I’ll try dating other females? But I’m really not sure.

I just need some light on what to do, or I need something so I don’t feel like SI is the only option…

I’ll become a butterfly one day.

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Posted by healing | October 10th, 2015

I am having a hard day. I am under a tone of pressure and I am creating the pressure, I think. But I want to move my life forward. My therapist told me something about enjoying the process- I want to hold onto that. Also, there is a family member I am being triggered by- I don’t like some of his choices. I have needed him out of the house- away from me- so I can get a grip myself. He has been visiting a lot and it’s been wonderful- but it’s not wonderful for me right now. It isn’t just about his choices- those are a little minor- but he’s about to undergo a huge transition in living situation. It’s my son. He’s leaving a residential treatment facility where he has been for about a year and transition to therapeutic foster care. And I’ve been having difficulty communicating- his p-doc was away last week and there was a min-crisis and it was hard to get in touch with the person covering. And trying to find a new family therapist and place a refers to place b and place b refer to place a…. This may or may not be true but it seems to me that at some point we were referred out of most of the MH places in our city…. and the person at the facility who is supposed to be helping isn’t helpful. But I know the next step. I only ever have to know the next step. I don’t need to drive myself so hard with work and study. I’m getting exercise. Getting out of the house. Taking medication. And I know that if I give in and do something to hurt myself it won’t actually make the urges pass- it will feed them. If I want them to go away I need to remember that I am in control of my hands. That managing myself is the first priority. I cleaned my house to make myself feel better. I have been neglecting a non-self-inflicted injury and am in pain. What I want it just to be able to stay balanced. But I remember the days when it felt like everything was coming apart- I don’t feel like everything is coming apart. That’s because I have earned a safe and stable living situation (major triggers eliminated) and because I can remember, sort of, different states. I know, at least intellectually, that SI is often not on my radar. It’s just there right now. It is going to pass. But I’m having difficulty managing myself. Like, literally, I don’t know what to do with me right now. I was studying– trying to get much more out of a course I am taking than I really need, but I want it… but tired too- so I had my book and computer open was taking note then let myself just play candy crush. Then the urges were getting really bad and I felt tired so I went to lay down. I know as long as I lay still and don’t move I can’t get hurt. So I was just laying there, like hiding. I thought rest was important for me. But I didn’t fall asleep and my mind was honing in on dark places, so I got up and got my computer and now I am typing. I could go back to taking notes….. I don’t know what to do. I’m home alone, which isn’t great, but I don’t have anything dangerous here. I don’t know what to do. I want to be ok, but I do not feel ok. maybe it’s ok to not feel ok.

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Hello to all

Posted by superamiG3 | October 3rd, 2015

Hi. I’m pretty new to this well the blogging thing not really the self injuring thing…

I haven’t hurt myself in about three years and every day is a constant struggle but lately I have just wanted to so badly that it kind of scares me. Not kill myself, no. Just injure. That’s all. I just kind of need help figuring out how to not do that. I don’t even exactly know why I’m typing this at the moment or what I think I’ll gain by doing this, but I dunno I just kind of need advice. Friends aren’t an option, I don’t want them to worry about me. Family has never caught on…Anyways, any advice out there? It’s getting tough and I don’t know how to occupy myself so I won’t think of it….Okay, thanks…

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It’s Been A Long Time Since I’ve Been Here

Posted by Kohl | September 28th, 2015

It’s been a very long time since I’ve been here. The only reason why I’m back is because of a health project on non-profit organizations that promotes/helps people with health problems. I took the mental health route.
I relapsed since the last time I was on here and I’ve been hurting myself ever since. Whenever I get the opportunity to, I hurt myself, and it’s gotten to the point where it’s bad. I went into the hospital twice because of my bad choices.
I feel like I should feel guilty, but I don’t. Maybe that’s a bad thing.

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